Taking A Different Approach

You know how sometimes the kids are driving you nuts? And you forget, just for a moment, that you are the grown-up in the relationship? Well that has been happening here lately. We are having some behaviour problems with Offspring #1 - mostly regression since the big move, all very understandable because it was a very big move for a 4 year old and Mummy and Daddy are taking a while to adjust too so he's taking his cues from us and running into a few problems every so often. Mostly it's just general pain-in-the-butt-ness stuff like not listening, not doing as he is asked, answering back and lots of bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. We have tried really hard to make the house as much of a home as we can, we bought all our furniture up, all the kids stuff (toys, clothes, furniture, etc - I went to great lengths to cull everything of mine and Hubby's but made sure that EVERYTHING of #1's was packed) and have carried on with our regular routine at home. But there have been changes and he is a sensitive little soul who takes things to heart so it's taking a while. Initially we went softly, as Dr Phil says "giving him a soft place to fall" at home with us, when that didn't achieve much we got strict and really stuck to the rules but all that really achieved was more crying. The last week he has driven me completely mad with plain rudeness and naughtiness so I gave myself a good talking to and decided that he was doing a lot of it to get my attention. If I'm busy doing something he'll ask me to play and when I put him off he'll start acting up. I do play with him and do craft activities and cooking and gardening, just not 24 hours a day - I do need to do other stuff like the washing and dishes. It seemed that all I was doing was telling him off and punishing him and we were both (all!!) miserable. My iron levels are again very low and the general tiredness and lack of energy is not helping at all. I know that when it's this low I get very grumpy and have very little tolerance (yeah, like I'm such a tolerant person normally, NOT!!) Anyway, after we both spent a day crying I decided that it was time to make some real changes. So the reward chart was created, my old stickers from teaching in a previous life were dug out and #1 and I had a chat about how Mummy and Daddy had been paying lots of attention to all the naughty things he had been doing but not really paying much attention when he was being good and that wasn't much fun. I told him that we would be looking for times when he was being good/doing the right thing and gave him some examples - like getting dressed in the morning as soon as I ask him, brushing his teeth without arguing, using his fork to eat all of his dinner (instead of switching to fingers halfway through) packing up his toys after he's finished playing, playing nicely with #2, etc. Together we came up with some rewards for getting a certain number of stickers - his suggestions were time playing Playstation with Dad, cooking with Mum "and I get to do it all and you just help", and going to the park.

We are three days in and so far it is working really well. Hubby and I are focussing on what #1 does right instead of not really noticing becuase of the all things he is doing wrong. #1 gets a sticker each time we notice him doing the right thing (and he isn't afraid to let us know if we are't paying proper attention LOL). He gets to choose the sticker and then put it on the right day on his reward chart, which he is loving. It is so nice to say "thanks for packing up all your toys, you did a great job" without asking 47 times for them to be put away and he is so much happier because I'm not yelling at him all day long. That's not to say he is being an angel or that there aren't consequences for bad behaviour but I'm feeling more like a good Mummy instead of a failure and a horrible yelling negative nasty person, Hubby is cutting him some slack and #1 is lots happier. He got 5 stickers today, the same number as yesterday, and his aim for tomorrow is to "get lots more than today". We are planning to take the kids to the beach in the morning so that will be a nice family outing (they are sadly lacking at the moment) and, fingers crossed, we will have another happy day.